1 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:12,262 [Bank robber 1] This is a stickup. Everybody down on the ground. 2 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,306 Just stay on the floor, and nobody gets hurt. 3 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:16,391 [Bank robber 2] Hurry up before the pigs get here. 4 00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:18,077 - [Bank robber 1] Be cool. - Why are you doing this? 5 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:19,645 Because banks are a bummer, man. 6 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:21,980 This mask is so hot. 7 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,607 Ah, it's like my hair was sweating. 8 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,984 Flower, put your mask back on. 9 00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,402 Don't use my real name. 10 00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:29,571 That's not your real name. —[Siren approaching] 11 00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:31,782 Oh, right, it's Susan. 12 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,325 Let's get out of here. 13 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,827 G-Go, go, go! 14 00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,621 Bye. 15 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,915 [Theme music playing] 16 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,461 - [Door closes] - [Jay] Babe? 17 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,879 Sam? 18 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:48,840 Hey. I got you your favorite. 19 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:51,468 Oh, Daisy's coffee shop. I love this place. Thanks, babe. 20 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,512 [Jay] That is an americano for my boo-boo, 21 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:56,557 and a perfectly normal adult caffeinated beverage for me. 22 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,226 This is not a man who's destined to keep it tight, Sam. 23 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,477 What are you working on? 24 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,789 Well, I'm trying to come up with article ideas for my meeting 25 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:04,314 at the ulster county review tomorrow. 26 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,316 [Jay] The new yorker of the Hudson valley? 27 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,193 That's a big opportunity. 28 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:09,879 Yeah, this is the kind of serious journalism 29 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,280 I've always wanted to do, 30 00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:13,949 and if it goes well, it could turn into a regular gig. 31 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,158 You're gonna kill it, babe. 32 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,910 All right, I'll leave you to it. 33 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:20,289 Mmm. Yum. 34 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,415 Mmm. Mm. 35 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,959 I can't watch a man do this to himself. 36 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,085 I'm okay with it. 37 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,045 - [Jay] Love you, babe. - [Alberta] Ooh, wait. 38 00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:28,964 I've got an article idea for you. 39 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,592 What about a profile of a local celebrity? 40 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,801 Ooh, like who? 41 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:36,013 I'm right here. You said you wanted a good story, 42 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,306 I'm a good story. 43 00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:38,557 [Flower] Oh, I got a story. 44 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,785 Did I ever tell you guys about the time I robbed a bank? 45 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,812 Only once a week for the last 50 years. 46 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,188 Wait, you robbed a bank? 47 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,524 Flower's hippie cult knocked off a bank, 48 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,109 then gave the money to poor people. 49 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,861 This was the commune, not the cult. 50 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,298 They're very similar, but the commune let you wear your shoes 51 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,674 and you could still talk to your family. 52 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,159 A Robin hood hippie bank robbery? That's amazing. 53 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,994 This should be the article I write. 54 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,662 Article? What's she talking about? 55 00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:02,223 [Samantha] Oh, it's for a local magazine. 56 00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,047 This is exactly the kind of thing they'd love. 57 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,334 Quirky, human interest. 58 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,586 Well you-you can't write about it. I'm sorry. 59 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,796 What? Flower, this would be, like, 60 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,673 the biggest assignment I've ever landed. 61 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:14,068 They made me take an eternal blood oath to never talk about it. 62 00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,344 Oh, totally not a cult. 63 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,638 Flower, you told us about it a million times. 64 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,699 Well, that's different than publishing it in a magazine. 65 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:22,059 -But, flower, it would just be—- -i said no! 66 00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:27,397 So... [chuckles] I guess we're back to alberta. 67 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,940 [Gasps] Hold up. 68 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:31,443 "Back to alberta." 69 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:32,653 [Laughs] 70 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:34,946 I think we just found our title. 71 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,370 So, what do we think? 72 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,955 I'm gonna sayjust moved from the city, Ivy league. 73 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,916 Close. Northwestern. 74 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,250 You can see us? 75 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,460 It's kind of a long story. 76 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:51,546 I had this near-death experience, and now I see ghosts. 77 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,840 I guess that's not such a long story. [Chuckles] 78 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:56,635 Name's winky. Age 12 when I kicked the bucket. 79 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:59,763 Headline? I got trampled by a horse. 80 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:03,600 I'm shiki. I'm lenape, and I've been here since the 1500s. 81 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,394 Lenape? 82 00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:08,063 - I actually know a... - Who are you talking to? 83 00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,441 H was, uh, just practicing for our meeting. 84 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:15,404 I was saying I actually know some stories to pitch you. 85 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,906 Let me just, uh, check these out. Okay. 86 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,700 Oh. Oh, okay, that... works. 87 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,411 Okay. Oof, no. No. 88 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:25,747 Did that. That's too obvious. What's this in the margin here? 89 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,309 Gummy bears? Was there a listeria outbreak in the plant or something? 90 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,668 No, my husband wrote that. 91 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,646 He wanted me to pick up gummy bears while I was in town 92 00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:34,589 because we ran out, and he likes gummy bears. 93 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:40,303 Look, there's some good ideas in there, but if I'm gonna hire a freelancer, 94 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:43,473 I really need to be wowed, so unless you can do that, 95 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,225 I'm gonna have to say, "nice to meet you, 96 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,269 and I'm sorry." 97 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:51,648 Wait, what if I told you that I had a lead on a story 98 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,359 about a group of hippies who held up Hudson valley citizens bank 99 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,837 in the 19603 and were never caught? 100 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:57,446 I'm interested. Who's your source? 101 00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:58,631 - Can you bring them in? - No. 102 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,615 Uh, only I can see them. 103 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,075 Give me 6,000 words by Tuesday. 104 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:05,245 - [Snaps fingers] - Sold. A hippie bank robbery? 105 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,164 You should've led with that one, kid. 106 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:14,755 Hey, babe. 107 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:16,465 So, how'd it go? 108 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,342 - Well, he bought one of my ideas. - That's great. 109 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,095 We're gonna celebrate tonight with gummy bears, 110 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,389 which you left in the car, he said hopefully? 111 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,434 So... which article did he buy? 112 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,810 Look, you can't tell flower. 113 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,145 I literally can't see flower. 114 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,063 Oh, I was talking to alberta and Isaac. 115 00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,584 - They were already in here with you. - —that's not creepy at all. 116 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,903 I panicked, and I pitched the story about flower's commune robbing the bank. 117 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,154 The editor flipped for it. 118 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,238 - That's great. - Bravo! 119 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:41,656 No, it's terrible. 120 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,909 Flower explicitly told me not to write about it. 121 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:47,162 Okay, well, she's not gonna know. Come on, babe. This is your dream gig. 122 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:50,999 I know, and now that they bought it, it's not like I can go back there saying, 123 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,710 "whoop, never mind." They'll never want to work with me. 124 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,587 Plus, this whole thing makes no sense. 125 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:58,048 For years, she's bragged about it. 126 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,193 Now, suddenly, she doesn't want the whole world to know. 127 00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:01,843 Mm. That girl is hiding something, 128 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,137 and if she's hiding something, it's probablyjuicy, 129 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:06,932 and if it's juicy, I'm gonna need to know it. 130 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,810 Mm, Sam, you must write this article. 131 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:12,604 But flower's my only source, and I can't even interview her. 132 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:13,831 So just have the ghosts do it. 133 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:17,108 Yes. Yes. His mind is as sharp as his jawline. 134 00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:21,071 And with questions woven into conversation by her trusted ghost friends, 135 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,573 she will be completely unaware. 136 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,033 You think that'll work? 137 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,577 The girl was staring at a shadow for four hours yesterday, 138 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,205 so yeah, I think we can outfox her. 139 00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:34,543 Hey, babe, I... 140 00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:37,504 No one's gonna tell me how that conversation ended? 141 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:45,470 Oh, great, there you are, sasappis. 142 00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:47,681 Uh, seriously? Can I get a roll call, please? 143 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,058 Sure. Sasappis, Pete, Trevor. 144 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:51,852 That's never not gonna be weird. 145 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,604 I ran into this lenape ghost who died around the same time as you, 146 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,957 and I was wondering if you knew her. 147 00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:57,107 Her name was shiki. 148 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,859 Shiki? What? Are you serious? 149 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:01,695 Did you just ask if two lenape people knew each other? 150 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:02,898 She was the love of my life. 151 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:05,991 That's like me asking you if you know another white lady from Ohio. 152 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,993 Shh. He knew her. They were in love. 153 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:11,204 Well, I was in love with her, and I thought she was in love with me, 154 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,182 so I killed a deer, and brought it to her family. 155 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,375 - Sure. - And then I never heard from her again. 156 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,210 - Oh, my god. - What? What happened? 157 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,545 She ghosted him. 158 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,147 - Excuse me? - Hey, what's that supposed to mean? 159 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:23,008 I'm guessing they did not like the ghosted thing. 160 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,260 Oh, no, no, no. Ghosting is what people say 161 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,596 when you're dating someone, and they just kind of vanish. 162 00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:30,557 Is the point that ghosts have no manners? Walk me through this. 163 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,934 Who knows what was going on for shiki 500 years ago. 164 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:35,538 The point is she could be in a completely different headspace now. 165 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,731 I think you should reach out. 166 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:38,982 | can pass on a message. 167 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,358 Uh, okay, yeah. 168 00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,235 Uh, how about, "shiki, 169 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:45,864 not a day has passed since we parted that I haven't thought of you. 170 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,187 - You are the love of my life." - [Jay] Whoa, whoa, whoa. 171 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,035 That's coming on way too strong. 172 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,763 What's the difference? They're ghosts, and they can't even be in the same place. 173 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,497 But they could be, one day, right? 174 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,208 I mean, you guys do eventually go up, right? 175 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,562 - —Get sucked off, right. - [Samantha] Yes, in theory they could. 176 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:02,589 Yeah, so he's got to play this right, and I can help. 177 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,341 I mean, this is basically texting, 178 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,176 and who's better at texting than your hubs? 179 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,178 Texting was just catching on when I died. 180 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,138 I would've loved to work with the medium more. 181 00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:12,221 Sasappis, you should just say what you want to say. 182 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,101 Women value honesty and romance, not games. 183 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,604 [Laughs] That's so cute. 184 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,273 When I first met you, I wanted to text you every two minutes, 185 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,108 but I didn't do that, you want to know why? 186 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,693 Because it would've scared you off. 187 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,278 Okay, listen to this man, sass. 188 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,715 I'm not saying this is a Lyle lovett, Julia Roberts situation, 189 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,366 but he did well for himself. 190 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,951 You know what my dating strategy is? 191 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,995 I like to get myself in something I call "the friend zone." 192 00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,706 Now, nine out of ten times you end up completely desexualized, 193 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,416 as if you're a puppy or their brother, 194 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,836 but, at the end of the day, you got a new friend, so win-win, right? 195 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,838 Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with Jay on this one. 196 00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,967 Fine. Jay, sasappis wants to know what he should say. 197 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:50,595 Okay, first of all, delete that corny mess and repeat after me. 198 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,514 "Sup," apostrophe, 199 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,350 s-u-p. End it with a period. 200 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:58,687 It is a question, but we don't care enough to put a question Mark, do we? 201 00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,605 - [Whispers] Sup. - Oh, this guy's good. 202 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:02,273 I am ready to be miyagied. 203 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,112 Oh, hello, flower. 204 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:10,073 Just popping in for a casual chat amongst close friends. 205 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,491 Oh, hey, guys. 206 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,254 You know what I thought was awesome, Isaac? 207 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,327 Oh, what's that, alberta? 208 00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:17,330 How my girl flower here stood up to Sam about the bank robbery. 209 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:20,000 That's not Sam's story to tell, that's flower's thing. 210 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,710 Agreed. 211 00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:25,547 Although, I'm curious as to why you didn't want her to write the story, 212 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:29,175 considering how freely you bless us with retellings of it. 213 00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:30,885 Well, just between us? 214 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,095 Obviously. 215 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:35,348 There's just a part of the story I'm not ready to tell. 216 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,410 - [Alberta] Mm, that's all you need to say. - [Isaac] Mm-hmm. 217 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,854 Although, I'm worried that Sam, conniving living that she is, 218 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,857 will find some way to trick you into telling her your dark secret. 219 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,067 - Do you think? - [Isaac] It's a risk, though... 220 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:47,610 Here's a thought. 221 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,547 What if you were tell us your deep, dark secret, 222 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,282 so we can help steer Sam as far away from it as possible? 223 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:56,119 Wait, why are you guys asking me so many questions about myself? 224 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,079 What? Uh, it's perfectly consistent 225 00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,843 with our personalities to want to know more 226 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,225 about our good old friend, flower. 227 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:05,128 Well, if we're such good friends, what's my last name? 228 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,638 - It's montero. - Montero! 229 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,724 - I knew that. I remember that. - Mm-hmm. 230 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,559 Okay. So, here's what I want to know, 231 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:23,146 since you guys are acting all suspicious and stuff. 232 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,401 Oh, my god. Is she still with us? 233 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:29,819 - What's going on? - Hard to say. 234 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,115 Wait, what-what were we just talking about? 235 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,325 It was important, wasn't it? 236 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,077 You know, I don't really recall. 237 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,996 - Oh, wait, was it love? - Sure. 238 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,414 Oh, I love love. 239 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:45,043 I also hate tomatoes, and those are a couple of things about me. 240 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,294 -Good to know. —uh, yes. 241 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,755 - I am glad we got to the bottom of that. - [Both laugh] 242 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:54,803 Hey. I gave shiki the message. 243 00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:56,096 It wasn't easy. 244 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,680 The editor was very curious 245 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,604 as to why I just showed up with no appointment. 246 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:00,934 Uh, you're back. 247 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,144 - Hey. - Can I help you? 248 00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:06,773 Uh, I just stopped by to let you know how things were going with the article. 249 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,191 Okay. 250 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,443 Right, uh, so I dropped by the bank, 251 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,487 and they're putting me in touch with a woman 252 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,239 who was a young teller at the time, 253 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:17,617 so I'm gonna give her a call, and that is where we're at. 254 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,993 Okay. That's it, yeah. 255 00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:20,870 Uh, feels like this could've been an e-mail. 256 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,248 - Or a non-share, really. - Mm. 257 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,267 [Both] So, what did she say? Did you read her the message? 258 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,169 Yes, I did. I read the message that you guys workshopped, 259 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,839 and let me say again, I was not a fan of it. 260 00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:33,800 "Sup. Cool you're still around, shiki. 261 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:37,137 Would love to hear the haps sometime. Maybe." 262 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:42,142 That's—that's it. That's all he said. 263 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,476 "Sup"? 264 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,687 - And? - And... 265 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,106 She had a response. 266 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,190 "Hey. 267 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:52,152 - "Hey"? That's it? - Oh, she's good. 268 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,487 What? How is that good? What do we do now? 269 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,281 Sasappis is freaking out, which makes sense 270 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,199 because, clearly, that was terrible advice. 271 00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,701 No, no, no, no, no. 272 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,679 If she's playing the game, that means she's interested. 273 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:04,038 All we have to do now is craft the perfect reply. 274 00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:08,042 Good news is we have a week to do it, anything sooner than that is just thirsty. 275 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:10,837 I am so out of my element with this written communication thing. 276 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,881 Funny guys must clean up these days. 277 00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:15,175 I'd be friend-zoning everybody, hard. 278 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,929 Good news, Samantha. 279 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,891 We found out that flower has a deep dark secret about the robbery. 280 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,434 Oh, amazing. What is it? 281 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,145 No, no, that's it. We just found out she has one. 282 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,855 Is that enough to go off? 283 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,356 [Isaac] Now let's talk byline. 284 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,320 Alberta and I are fine if your name comes first, 285 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,998 since you'll be doing most of the typing. 286 00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,486 However... 287 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,298 Okay, just had a pretty intense acid flashback, 288 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,365 but I remember before that, you guys were asking me 289 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,969 a bunch of questions about the robbery. Why were you doing that? 290 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,997 Because... we're interested in your life, flower. 291 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,625 And now you're talking to Sam, who wanted to write the article 292 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,210 about me before... 293 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,503 Oh, my god, she's piecing it together in real time. 294 00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:55,048 Nobody move. She has one plus one, but I'm not confident 295 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,424 she realizes it makes two. 296 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,801 This is ridiculous. Flower, I'm sorry. 297 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,637 The editor didn't like my other ideas, 298 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,555 and I was desperate, so I pitched your story. 299 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,934 - Whoa. Not groovy, Sam. - I know. 300 00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,937 It was wrong, but I still don't get why you don't want the article. 301 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:10,396 Yeah, what are you hiding, flower? 302 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,773 Yes, just tell us, flower. 303 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,775 Why are you so afraid to share 304 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,618 that which you claim to be the most proud of? 305 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:18,154 Because I'm not proud of it, okay? 306 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,948 The money never went to any good cause. 307 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,241 The commune never donated it. 308 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,700 What? Why not? 309 00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,578 Because before they could give it away, I stole it. 310 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,163 [Gasps] 311 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,833 Really? No one else gasped? 312 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,752 Well, I guess if you're not gasping at that, 313 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,212 you're simply not a gasper. 314 00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:35,380 [Sighs] 315 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,594 After the bank robbery, the commune spent weeks debating 316 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,096 what to do with the money. 317 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,515 [Ted] Seven... 318 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,766 Eight... 319 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,309 And... all right, 320 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:51,479 so that's nine for helping out the feral cats of Costa Rica. 321 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,774 And one for narwhals. 322 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,068 Damn it, Brenda. It has to be unanimous. 323 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,751 - I'm not changing my vote. - [Ted] Look, 324 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:03,283 Brenda, the feral cats of Costa Rica live in awful conditions. 325 00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,159 They sleep in the dirt. 326 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,539 They have no escape from the elements. 327 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,125 They eat out of the garbage. 328 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,253 I have an idea. 329 00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:19,757 What if we used the money to help people in need. 330 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,260 Like, specifically, us. 331 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,888 [Brenda] No, guys, 332 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,015 the narwhals need us. 333 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,934 [Ted] No, feral cats, Brenda, come on. 334 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,854 So, then ira and I took the money and bolted, 335 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,522 and then I got attacked by a bear, 336 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,774 and I've had an eternity to think about what I did. 337 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,693 Well, it sounds like you just made a mistake. 338 00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:41,237 No, Sam, I'm a fraud. 339 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,991 I wanted to be a person who helped others, 340 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,617 but I just helped myself. 341 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,498 - Well, now I feel bad. - Yeah, me too. 342 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,625 Sam should've never written that article. 343 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:56,586 But you told me to. 344 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:57,754 We're dead, 345 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,441 and just looking for exciting things to happen around here to fill up the days. 346 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:01,924 Why are you listening to us? 347 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,135 [Both laugh] 348 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,887 [Shiki] So? 349 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,389 Did you get a reply from sasappis for me? 350 00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:12,018 No, they all w... Uh, he wanted me to wait a week. 351 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,687 - I don't know. - Oh. Okay. 352 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:15,813 I understand. 353 00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:19,609 Wait a minute. This is crazy. He's playing games. 354 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,486 And, as a woman, I know you want the truth. 355 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:24,739 The truth is sasappis loves you, and he's always loved you, 356 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:25,990 and he always will love you, 357 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,575 and I can't think of a better person 358 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:30,203 for you to hopefully one day spend eternity with. 359 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:33,373 Whoa. That's a little intense. 360 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,957 - Oh, god. - Oh, no, no, no. 361 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,126 It's cool, I guess. 362 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,755 I-I got a thing in the, uh, copy room. 363 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,673 Oh, god, wait. 364 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,092 Did you not want me to come in? 365 00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:45,468 To my office? 366 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,637 I'm sorry, I need to talk to you, Lewis. 367 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,848 I really appreciate the opportunity, but I can't write the article. 368 00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:53,184 - Excuse me? - I just realized it would... 369 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,560 It would hurt a friend. 370 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:56,771 Again, e-mail. 371 00:14:56,854 --> 00:15:00,108 Okay, e-mail. I get that. 372 00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:04,904 Knock, knock. 373 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,573 I don't want to see anyone right now, alberta. 374 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,120 I just have one thing I got to tell you, then I'll leave you be. 375 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,748 I never shared the stage with cab Calloway. 376 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:19,210 I know I always brag about that, but it didn't happen. 377 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:22,004 I did share a cab with him once. 378 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,924 Nope! You know what? Ah! I'm lying again. 379 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,467 I never even met the man. 380 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,762 And I was never at the Boston tea party. 381 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,682 I was in Boston at a tea party, 382 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,101 but it was at my aunt Geraldine's house. 383 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,436 It was a lovely affair. 384 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,372 Why are you guys telling me this? 385 00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:41,065 None of us lived up to exactly who we wanted to be. 386 00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,775 [Isaac] That doesn't make you a fraud. 387 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,069 You're the biggest do-gooder of all us ghosts. 388 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,280 - Granted, that's a selfish crew. - —[Laughs] 389 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,614 But you set the bar, 390 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,825 and you need to know that. 391 00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:51,993 Thanks, guys. 392 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,494 [Footsteps approaching] 393 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,455 Flower, hey. 394 00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:58,249 I wanted to tell you I'm not gonna write the article, 395 00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,251 and I'm sorry I went behind your back. 396 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:03,421 You had a moment of weakness. I know the feeling. 397 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,257 Hmm, I wonder what ira did with all that money. 398 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,676 Me too. Ira wanted to blow it all on a house, 399 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,887 and I was like, "no, we should open a business." 400 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,306 You know, so we didn't have to Rob any more banks. 401 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,557 Oh, what kind of business? 402 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,100 A fair trade coffee shop 403 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,769 that totally paid the bean farmers what they should get paid, 404 00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,564 and was, like, not bad for the earth, but ira said, 405 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,317 "Daisy, we don't know the first thing about starting a business." 406 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,651 Daisy? 407 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:29,780 Yeah, that was ira's nickname for me 'cause I was his special flower. 408 00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:32,116 Also, 'cause it's a weed and I love weed. 409 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,076 Come with me, now. 410 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,328 Okay. 411 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,709 What is this? 412 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:43,544 It's your fair trade coffee shop, flower, 413 00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,755 except it's got, like, a hundred locations. 414 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,298 Someone stole my idea? 415 00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:50,510 - Oh, she's so close to getting it. - God love her. 416 00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:52,929 Wow. Read this. 417 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:56,682 "The founder of Daisy's coffee shop is ira klein. 418 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,351 In memory of his late girlfriend, 419 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:01,103 profits go toward underprivileged communities 420 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,647 and bear safety education." 421 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,023 [Chuckles] 422 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,484 Ira made my dream come true. 423 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:09,362 Now that is a good ending to your article, Sam. 424 00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,696 Maybe you should just write it. 425 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,031 Are you sure? 426 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,283 I was so worried about people, like, 427 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,036 judging me for my biggest mistake, but, 428 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,121 now I see something groovy came out of it. 429 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,498 [Chuckles] 430 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,792 Also is anyone else seeing that color? 431 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,627 Is there even a name for that? 432 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,671 And the horse has left the stable. 433 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,217 [Door closes] 434 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,552 Well, I have some news. 435 00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,554 Lewis loved the bank robbery article. 436 00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,472 - Yes! - [Cheers and applause] 437 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,225 And he said Daisy's coffee shop is even cool with it. 438 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,185 Apparently, the statute of limitations ran out, 439 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,871 and they think it makes them look badass. 440 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,146 Ooh, they're not wrong. 441 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,648 Best news for last, 442 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,751 he wants me to come in next week to pitch more ideas. 443 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,527 That's incredible. 444 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,654 - Babe, I'm so proud of you. - Thank you. 445 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,115 Alberta, I heard you were very helpful with Sam's article, 446 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:55,592 which I thought should be acknowledged. 447 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,618 Aw, thanks, Pete. You're a good friend. 448 00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:00,121 Oh, friend. [Chuckles] Wow, thank you. 449 00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:02,999 [Whispers] Hello, friend zone. I'm in. 450 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,585 - [Chuckles] - While you are at the magazine, 451 00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:10,172 you can give shiki her next message. 452 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,424 Jay nailed it. 453 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,677 It's, "yo, yo, yo." 454 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,429 The simplicity, right? 455 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,847 [Sasappis] You know what? No. 456 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,141 No more aloof messages. I can't take the waiting. 457 00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:23,311 I can't take not being honest. I'm not a games guy. 458 00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:26,063 I'm looking for a woman who wants a dead deer on her doorstep, 459 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,833 and when I find her, I'm gonna love her forever. 460 00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,317 I am so glad you said that 461 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,361 because, the last time I went in, I kind of lost it, 462 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,155 and I basically said exactly that. 463 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,157 What? Well, what'd she say? Did she like it? 464 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,658 Not really. 465 00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,452 Seriously? 466 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:40,870 Fix this. Jay! 467 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,872 - —Uh, he can't hear you. - What's he saying? 468 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,832 I want the games back, please. 469 00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:46,250 He's thanking me. 470 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:49,503 - You ruined everything. - You're welcome. 471 00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:53,049 Hey, did I ever tell you guys about the time I robbed a bank? 472 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,634 - [All groaning] - Okay. 473 00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:03,225 Okay. I mean, I get it. I guess people just play games, 474 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,270 but I don't love that my husband is so good at it. 475 00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:07,480 [Chuckles] Okay. 476 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:11,108 I've been meaning to show you this for a while now. 477 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:14,070 Here. This is a screen grab of a text that I sent you 478 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,572 exactly one minute after your cab pulled away, 479 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:17,948 the night of our first date. 480 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:20,242 - Oh, cute. - Read it. 481 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:23,704 "Samcakes... Is it okay that I call you that? 482 00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,790 I feel like that'll be my nickname for you. 483 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,834 I'll call you samcakes and you'll call me Jay-bae?" 484 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,002 I know. Keep reading. 485 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,980 "I know you're not supposed to say stuff like that, 486 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,798 and maybe I'm tipsy, but I like you. 487 00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:36,092 Like, really like you. 488 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,428 And I think you might be the one." 489 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,888 Oh, I never got that text. 490 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,724 Yeah, because by some grace of god it never went through. 491 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,936 Okay, yeah, I would've run for the hills. 492 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,729 - Obviously. - I mean, you were psycho. 493 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:51,166 That guy's gonna crawl inside of your skin and wear you to prom. 494 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,190 [Sasappis] Okay, see? 495 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,693 - Now will you help me? - Fine, sass. 496 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:56,987 Shiki will get a "yo, yo, yo" on Tuesday. 497 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,365 I can't believe I'm using my ghost powers for this, 498 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:02,118 but I guess if it means you two could end up together 499 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,578 to do whatever it is that ghosts do... 500 00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:08,416 I was wondering about this. So, tell me, can ghosts actually have sex? 501 00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:11,419 We can. We just can't finish. It's very frustrating. 502 00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:13,421 He says they can, but they can't finish. 503 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:14,505 Interesting. 504 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,708 Gosh, I hate to do this, but I've got some work to do. 505 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,426 No, no, no, no, no. Sam, first question. 506 00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:19,945 Can they take off their own clothes? 507 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:22,346 Sam, come back. I want to tell Jay about ghost sex.