1 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,386 We are ghosts. 2 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,472 While most spirits pass on to the afterlife, 3 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,140 we are cursed to spend eternity... 4 00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:16,808 Oh, and she's gone. 5 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,492 Now what's going to happen to the house? 6 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,604 This must be them, the new folks that own the house. 7 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,190 - Why don't we just try haunting? - Oh! 8 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,192 We scare them away. We're ghosts! 9 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:26,610 We did it! 10 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,446 W-watch out! 11 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:32,199 Oh, my god! Sam? Sam! 12 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,659 I hope you were at least as upset 13 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,542 when I was technically dead for three minutes. 14 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:37,722 - This can't be real. - What are you looking at? 15 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,873 - I think you're right. She can see us. - Uh-huh. 16 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,241 Hello! 17 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,167 Well? 18 00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,169 Yup, she can still see us. 19 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,546 Yes! 20 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:28,940 Also, she's apparently a little cranky 21 00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:30,173 before she's had her coffee. 22 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,725 Troops, never before have we possessed the ability 23 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:41,518 to communicate with a living. 24 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,729 We are in uncharted waters. 25 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:47,357 Those are worst type of waters, unless, of course, you find COD. 26 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,721 This opens up intriguing 27 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,485 possibilities to get them to leave. 28 00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,362 Namely: Diplomacy. 29 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:55,741 Thankfully, you're looking at the man who negotiated an end 30 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,785 to the siege of fort ticonderoga. 31 00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:01,204 You surrendered unconditionally to the British. 32 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,640 But we lived to fight another day. 33 00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,458 You died of dysentery two weeks later. 34 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:05,959 Did I? 35 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,502 Thank you. Thank you. 36 00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,504 Point is, I'm good at talking. 37 00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:12,090 Don't talk to enemy, destroy them. 38 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:15,052 Then toast their deaths with horns full of mead! 39 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,012 Okay, that boy has some serious anger issues. 40 00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:19,681 Why do we have to make the livings leave? 41 00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,892 It just seems like such a bummer. 42 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,661 Because, they're planning on turning my beloved 43 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:26,772 woodstone mansion into a hotel, that's why. We'll be overrun! 44 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,941 Exactly! We can't let these invaders take our land. 45 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,585 Do you hear it? At all? Do you hear the words that you're saying? 46 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,947 You know, we don't have to talk her into leaving or destroy anyone. 47 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:39,117 We could just befriend her and ask her not to open the hotel. 48 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:42,287 So, no hotel, but the hot chick stays? I like that plan. 49 00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:45,499 Yeah, could be useful to have a living that we can talk to. 50 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,043 Ooh, I can get her to look into the details 51 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,420 surrounding my mysterious death. 52 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,756 Oh, please. You had a heart attack. 53 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,651 - Which was likely brought on by poisoning. - Okay. 54 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:58,053 My death, like my life, was spectacular. Had to be! 55 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,139 No way I went out from something boring like a busted ticker. 56 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,516 It's nothing to be ashamed of. 57 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,410 My doc was pretty worried about my blood pressure. 58 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:07,145 Luckily, didn't turn out to be a problem. 59 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,231 Oh, what happened? 60 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,317 There's an arr... we've been through this. 61 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:18,407 - —Jay! Where were you? - I was in the attic. Are you okay? 62 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,802 Jay, they're back. I woke up, and one was in the bathroom... 63 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:21,827 Whoa, whoa, okay, okay. 64 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,037 These are just residual effects from your accident. 65 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:25,556 - What happened? - I ran into the door 66 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,582 when I tried to attack him with a toilet brush. 67 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:31,378 Um, is that like to ghosts what wooden stakes are to vampires? 68 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,754 It was the only thing handy! 69 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,638 Please don't make fun of me. I really saw one. 70 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:38,093 Okay, okay. Um, have you seen one since you hit your head? 71 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,803 No. 72 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,764 Do you think somehow hitting my head the second time cured me? 73 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,617 I mean, if you haven't seen one since you hit your head, 74 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,452 - you're probably out of the woods. - Oh, my god. 75 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,895 They're back! They're here. They're all behind you. 76 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,897 Hello! Sorry about before. 77 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,899 I don't see anybody. 78 00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:55,360 I would like to formally open negotiations to discuss 79 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,362 your withdrawal from woodstone mansion. 80 00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,740 - Hear, hear. - There's a hippie and a viking. 81 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,032 - —Be gone! - Peace! 82 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,534 And a guy dressed like Hamilton. 83 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,870 Hamilton? How do you know about Hamilton? 84 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,538 One of them's not wearing any pants. 85 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:10,083 - Oh, yeah? You like that? - Hi. Alberta. 86 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,686 Can you help me find out who murdered me? 87 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,712 Hey, babe, remember what the doctor said. 88 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,214 You might experience some visual disturbances. 89 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,300 I'm sorry. 90 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:21,720 Y-You're talking about Alexander Hamilton? Did that little twerp become famous? 91 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,683 Wait. Isn't that the guy on the ten—dollar bill? 92 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,891 - The what? - They seem really real. 93 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,452 - Well, of course we're real! - We're right here. 94 00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,245 - He's on paper currency? - You're hearing us! 95 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,949 Okay, but what do you think is more likely? 96 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:33,106 Do you think you're seeing ghosts, or do you think 97 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,275 you're suffering symptoms of a severe concussion? 98 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,526 - Ghosts. - Obviously. 99 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,487 -Yeah. —concussion. 100 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:39,654 No! 101 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,615 They're all in your head. 102 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,992 You just ignore them, and they'll go away. 103 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,994 - Ignore us? - Well, that's rude. 104 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,621 You go get some rest 105 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,707 because your man is taking care of business. 106 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,667 - Do you know how that works? - Mm... oh. 107 00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:53,835 No. No, I do not. 108 00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,796 - But the Internet does. - The Internet? 109 00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:58,024 It's an invention for looking up stock prices and porn. 110 00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,217 I'm gonna let the contractors handle the big things. 111 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,069 But you know what? Papa bear's gonna save some money 112 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:05,514 where I can, because we're not all Mr. Moneybags here, am I right? 113 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,390 From where 114 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,851 did you find this awful painting of my philandering husband? 115 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,216 Oh, yeah, Elias. I remember when he sat for that painting. 116 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,873 - And then when he slept with the artist. - Yeah. 117 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,608 Okay, I guess I'll just go lie down. 118 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,235 You're gonna be better in no time. 119 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:22,280 The bones have spoken, and they foresee your doom! 120 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,574 Right. Thanks. 121 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,877 What are you doing in my room? 122 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,338 Oh, yeah, this is gonna make a dope man cave. 123 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:39,422 What? 124 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:43,051 A cave of men? What does that even mean? 125 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:48,640 Oh, no. 126 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,326 What are... what are you... What are you doing? 127 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,310 Oh, hey, Hetty. This is fun. 128 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,312 This is not fun. 129 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:57,274 This horrible man has destroyed the sanctity of our rooms. 130 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,568 Oh, it's like we're roommates. 131 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:02,529 You got this. 132 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,739 - Oh. - Oh! 133 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,242 - Crap. - Are you mad? 134 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:10,704 You've made it even bigger! No, no, no, don't walk away! 135 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:13,164 Yay! 136 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,083 Hey, who's your favorite boy ghost? 137 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:18,128 I'd say Thor, but he really scares me, but I kind of like that. 138 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,171 You know what? No. No, no, no, no. 139 00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:21,673 No, no, no. 140 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:25,427 This Jay fellow has ruined our ability to communicate 141 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:28,597 with Samantha by convincing her that we are not real! 142 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,682 Which is a serious setback. 143 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,393 In the face of which, a lesser leader 144 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,853 might give up. 145 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,397 Like, for instance... oh, I don't know... 146 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,732 Hamilton. 147 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,942 - Dude is obsessed. - Mm. 148 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:44,738 He was a terrible commander. He was all about himself! 149 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,616 Whereas I... I was known for making men under me happy. 150 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:51,286 How are we supposed to befriend Sam, or "drive her from the land," 151 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,889 yeah, yeah, if she's just ignoring us? 152 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,498 Enemy's not supposed to ignore. It hurts feelings. 153 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,167 We don't let her ignore us. 154 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,835 We do the same thing I did in '98 155 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,759 when Lizzie grubman told me the list was closed 156 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:03,715 for diddy's white party. We keep bugging her! 157 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,383 What kind of party? What is "diddy"? 158 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:06,718 It's a jaunty little song. 159 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,888 The references are not important! The point is, we don't give up. 160 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,098 We keep bugging her. Now is when we double down! 161 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,434 So simple, yet so brilliant. 162 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,145 - Thank you. - We don't allow her to ignore us. 163 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,146 Yes. 164 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:21,232 Yes, we will pester her in the kitchen. 165 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,360 And we will annoy her in the living room. 166 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,527 - Yeah! - My idea. 167 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,237 We will make her life a living hell 168 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:29,908 so she has no choice but to finally acknowledge us! 169 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,159 - Yes! - Yes! 170 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:32,869 And then we drive them from this land! 171 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,330 - Yes! - Or have a nice, friendly chat! 172 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,665 That one. You do that one. 173 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,309 She will rue the day! 174 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,585 Chop their legs off, hang them from trees! 175 00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:43,672 - Roll it back. It's too much! - You're making it weird. 176 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:49,511 Hi there! 177 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,471 Hello? 178 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,354 All right, I know you're actively ignoring us, 179 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,641 but that's okay. 180 00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,230 Ah. Oh, you looked at me. 181 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,524 She looked at me! Ooh, it's working. 182 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:06,903 Aah! Death to our enemies! 183 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,325 Is it getting any better? 184 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,618 Um... 185 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,245 Now who would want me dead? 186 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,622 I was a beloved jazz singer. 187 00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:20,417 - Not really. - I'm sorry, sweetie. 188 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,502 I'm sure it'll be better tomorrow. 189 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,046 Okay, there was one person. 190 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,215 She thought I was having an affair with her husband. 191 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:30,218 I was sleeping with him, but she didn't know that, so in a way, 192 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,470 I kind of wasn't as far as she knew. 193 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,806 So then the bear raised his arms to attack me, 194 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:37,368 but the shrooms were kicking in, and I thought he just wanted a hug. 195 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,828 You know, how everyone talks about bear hugs? 196 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,454 They're not talking about hugs from actual bears. 197 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:43,732 Can you please stop talking? I'm trying to sleep. 198 00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:46,109 Oh, yeah. No, totally. Yeah, no, I'm so tired, too. 199 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,694 Why do we sleep? 200 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,780 - I don't know. - When I was at Woodstock, 201 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,175 I didn't sleep at all, 'cause I didn't want to miss anything, 202 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,451 especially the grateful dead. 203 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,996 I was a huge "deadhead," which was ironic, because I wasn't even dead at the time. 204 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,248 I don't care. 205 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,921 Look, I get it. 206 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:10,133 Who wants to think they're seeing ghosts? It's scary. 207 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,969 You know what's scarier? Eternity. 208 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,638 So, I find ways to break it up, create some drama. 209 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:19,142 Like yesterday, I told alberta that Hetty said she didn't like her hat. 210 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,062 Now, did Hetty really say that? 211 00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:25,648 Well, I will take that answer to my grave, which will never come. 212 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,026 Which is why I have to do this kind of stuff. 213 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,947 Oh, hi there. I'm Steve. 214 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,533 Unbelievable. Jay, there's another one! 215 00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,410 He's a big guy with a greasy beard. 216 00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,870 - Hey. - Hey, babe. 217 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,205 Have you met Steve? 218 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,957 Here you go. —wait. You can see him? 219 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,209 W-What's happening? 220 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,294 Sam, Steve! He's here to help us with the cable. 221 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:49,130 Who is this man? Another invader? 222 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,132 Oh, my god. I'm so sorry, Steve. 223 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,593 I haven't been sleeping well. It's great to meet you. 224 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,512 Um, that should about do it. I went ahead 225 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,114 and gave you three months of the sports package. 226 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,682 - Cool. - He too shall feel our wrath. 227 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,310 Shut up, uh_. 228 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:05,105 J“ about that sports package, Steve j“ 229 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,606 what a deal! 230 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,817 Yeah. R-Right? 231 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:11,027 I'm-i'm... I'm gonna test her out. 232 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:16,908 The vikings were known for their prowess on the battlefield, 233 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,785 often overpowering... 234 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,871 What is this... magical window? 235 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,414 Hello! 236 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:25,750 Oh, okay. Well, I'm down for a stroll. 237 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,253 Where we headed? On behalf of my fellow ghosts, 238 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,980 - I'd just like to welcome you to... - You're not real. 239 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,774 I mean, I'm not technically alive, but I am real. 240 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,799 No, you're not. 241 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,276 - You're answering me. - No, I'm not. 242 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,778 Okay, I thought of a couple other people 243 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,095 who may have wanted me dead. 244 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,697 Any chance you could hop the train down to Memphis 245 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,241 - —and knock on some doors? - Hey, am I crazy, 246 00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:42,392 - or is there chemistry here? - This isn't happening! 247 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,186 I know. I didn't expect this, either. 248 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:48,064 Okay, so this machine truly has access 249 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,788 to the entire breadth of human knowledge? 250 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,401 Yeah, pretty much. 251 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,987 Okay, I need you to look up "Alexander Hamilton" on this. 252 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:59,909 Do you know how long it would take me to type all those letters? 253 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,911 I must know what he went on to do. 254 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,372 He haunts me, and I'm a damn ghost. 255 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:07,458 Okay, buddy, stand back. 256 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,669 Let me work my magic. 257 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,884 My god, the pageantry. 258 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,802 - Do you want this, or not? - Yes. No, I do. 259 00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,888 -Shh! —I... I like it. 260 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:23,183 Ah... come on! Come on! 261 00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,809 You've got it! You've got it! 262 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,478 Ah... and... 263 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,360 Ah! 264 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,489 Mm-mm. Mm-mm. 265 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,783 Oh, amazing. Okay, next letter. Next letter! Oh... 266 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:44,370 Mmm. Thor can smell the salty brine. 267 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,122 There's my toolbox. 268 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,875 Was a ritual of great importance in viking society. 269 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:52,420 Come on! Electricity! 270 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:55,215 Oh, by the loins of Freya, why? 271 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,008 Small man? 272 00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,473 Well, if it isn't "Mr. Fix it." 273 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,850 - Why has he got a hammer? - Who knows? 274 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,894 Oh, no, no. 275 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,021 Oh, no. Oh, you fool! 276 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,649 What are you doing? Stop it! Just stop it! 277 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,276 God, I know we're dead, but he's trying to kill us. 278 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,655 "Psychotic breaks." 279 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,907 - Okay, that's me. - A moment of your time. 280 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,867 - —That's also me. - You must repair my wall. 281 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,471 I cannot spend another night listening 282 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,371 to that bohemian blather away. I won't do it! 283 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:29,582 Bring back my people to the thing, the sorcerer's window! 284 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,251 You are a strong, sane woman. 285 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,127 You are a strong, sane woman! 286 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,380 Hey, big head. 287 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,924 I don't want you anyway. 288 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,760 See? Say something negative, get 'em off balance. 289 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,929 Oh, I don't know why I didn't start with this. 290 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,098 "Depression, difficulty concentrating..." 291 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,909 Babe, can you please bring me my screwdriver? 292 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,268 Sure thing. 293 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,645 - —She moves! - Do not walk away from me! 294 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:54,107 She can't move too fast with those slightly-too-large ankles! 295 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,900 This is genius. 296 00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,902 - You cannot escape us! - Oh! 297 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,071 No way I'm going down there. 298 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,573 No, no, they... they are terrifying. 299 00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,493 Jay, I think there's something very wrong... oh, my god! 300 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,161 - What? - What do you mean, "what?" 301 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:10,665 - There's a bunch of zombies down here. - Zombies? Zombies aren't real. 302 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,583 We are ghosts. We all died of cholera. 303 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,460 It wasn't great. 304 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:17,839 Babe, I think you really just need some more rest. 305 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:21,592 We are way past rest. We need to go to a hospital now. 306 00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,344 Okay. Well, I'll drive you. 307 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,429 Red valve. Tell him... 308 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,504 - Please turn the red valve! - Can you turn the red valve? 309 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,477 - What? - Can you just turn the red valve? 310 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:35,023 It-it's kind of urgent, if you like the house. 311 00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,942 - There you go! - Yes. 312 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,986 How did you know about the red...? 313 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:42,739 Can we get the hell out of here, please? 314 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,408 - Okay. - No. Wait. Don't do that. 315 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,036 Oh. Nuts. 316 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,976 I'm just saying, it's been three days, 317 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,461 and I'm not feeling any better, so I'm starting to freak out. 318 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,546 Well, I have to be honest. 319 00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:01,466 - I don't think this will get better. - What? 320 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,885 It seems as if your accident left you so close to death 321 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:07,347 that you somehow obtained the ability to actually see dead people. 322 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,265 That can't be possible. 323 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,309 It is quite rare, but I've seen it before. 324 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,062 The last time was around 85 years ago. 325 00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:15,772 Wait. How-how old are you? 326 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,566 Well, I was about 50 when I died. 327 00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,693 Now, sorry about that. 328 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,029 I'll let you visit with your living doctor. 329 00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,822 What seems to be troubling you? 330 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,116 She's excellent, by the way. 331 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,539 This is amazing. 332 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,124 The plan's working! 333 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,335 Working? Thor, she ran off screaming. 334 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,628 We've driven her insane. 335 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,714 - Oh, what does it matter? Nothing matters. - What's up with soldier boy? 336 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:45,134 Isaac had me look up "Alexander Hamilton" on Jay's computer. 337 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,653 His list of accomplishments was even grander 338 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,179 than I could have imagined. 339 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,306 And then we looked up Isaac. 340 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:54,977 "Graduated dartmouth, died of dysentery." 341 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:58,147 That's it? That's all it says? 342 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:02,151 I was mentioned in but one academic journal, in a footnote. 343 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,737 I'm literally a footnote in history! 344 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,030 Well, dartmouth is very good. 345 00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,115 Safety school. 346 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,033 My life meant nothing. 347 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:11,411 Whereas my rival is known to this day. 348 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,704 There was even a musical about him! 349 00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:15,706 You're really fixated on that musical thing. 350 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,417 Well, this might come as a shock to you, 351 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,544 since you see me as this tough military type... 352 00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,504 - Mm. - But musical theater 353 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,339 is actually a passion of mine. 354 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,715 Hmm. 355 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,987 I'm just saying, maybe we should have just stuck around 356 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,180 for a little while, heard her out. Maybe done the mri? 357 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,724 There's no point. They're not gonna find anything, 358 00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,728 because I now know there's nothing wrong with me! 359 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,478 Okay, but the doctor said... 360 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:38,980 That was the living doctor! 361 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,499 Of course she thinks I'm delusional. 362 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,334 She's not trained for this. But the ghost doctor... 363 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,528 - Okay, that's where you start to lose me. - If the ghosts were all in my head, 364 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,047 I'd be seeing the same ones at the hospital 365 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,632 as I do back at the house, but they're not. 366 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,366 I see different ones in different places. 367 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,702 Like that guy. Hey, bud. 368 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:55,997 What guy? 369 00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:00,293 I know it's not great news, but at least I'm not crazy. 370 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,713 No, no, Jay, look out! 371 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,050 Phew. They were already dead. 372 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,760 - Sorry. - W hat? 373 00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,430 - Just drive. - I can't. I can't. I-I... 374 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:21,147 Listen, I know this is a lot, but I'm with you. 375 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,150 No matter what, in sickness and in health. 376 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:27,028 Okay? Because I love you. 377 00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:28,988 Aw. He's a keeper. 378 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:31,824 - —Hold that thought. - What was that? 379 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,493 Sam! Sam? 380 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:34,994 Sam? 381 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,288 Hold on. Hold up, Sam! 382 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,082 Sam, was there one in the car? 383 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,335 Sam, was there one in the car? 384 00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,980 She's coming. Here she comes! 385 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,172 Ooh! 386 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:49,509 Okay, fine. I see all of you, I admit your existence. Happy? 387 00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:51,886 - Well, I mean, what is happy? - It's a good step, babe. 388 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:54,764 Great. But this is our house now. 389 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,391 We inherited it, so it is time for you all to leave. 390 00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,895 It has been nice to meet you, thank you, but you can go haunt someone else now. 391 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,235 She's funny, too. That's great. 392 00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:08,861 Girl, 393 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,279 we can't leave. 394 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,840 Yeah, you just sort of stay where you die. 395 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,742 - And how you die. - It's your classic haunted house. 396 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,704 So, it seems it's the two of you who should leave, thank you kindly. 397 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,206 Well, that's not happening. 398 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,808 We've already sunk all our money into this place. 399 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:25,378 Plus, I see dead people wherever I go, so leaving doesn't even help me. 400 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:26,813 Okay, I'm back to freaked out again. 401 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,089 Babe, just a second. 402 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,650 It seems like we're stuck with each other. 403 00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:31,342 But it is not going to go on like this, 404 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:33,028 with all of you up in my face all of the time. 405 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,596 So, what is it going to take for you to leave me alone? 406 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,558 Huh? What do you want? 407 00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:40,935 You! Viking guy, what do you want? 408 00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:45,356 I want to see my people in the magic box once a day! 409 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,440 What? 410 00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,401 He wants to watch a show about vikings on TV. 411 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,152 - Fine. - Yes! 412 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,405 You, wolf of wall street, what do you want? 413 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,116 Leave him, kill yourself, become a ghost and get with me. 414 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,993 But let's keep it casual. 415 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,160 - Gross. - What'd he say? 416 00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,580 - You. - I heard you mention you were a writer. 417 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:04,083 I'd like you to pen my biography, so that history may know my name. 418 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,751 Now that is actually quite interesting. 419 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:06,961 And then take that book, 420 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:09,630 and adapt it into an award-winning Broadway musical. 421 00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,549 I want you to invite the descendants 422 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,902 of the ten most likely suspects of my murder to a dinner party. 423 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,887 Find out who did it, and exact revenge. 424 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:18,222 No. 425 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,099 Uh, you, Woodstock. What do you want? 426 00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:22,560 - Woodstock? - —uh, I'm easy. Just world peace. 427 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,228 And an end to bear attacks? 428 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,522 Sure. You? Downton Abbey? 429 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,399 Take down that painting of my awful husband, 430 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,360 and patch up the hole your awful husband put in my wall. 431 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,838 He's not awful when you get to know him. 432 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,572 - Wait a minute. - You, next. 433 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,617 I'd like the entire Hudson valley returned to the lenape. 434 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,428 Barring that, maybe keep the radio on in the afternoons? 435 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,721 - Mm, excellent idea. - —that's a good one. 436 00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,222 - Yes! - We could use some beats in here. 437 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,998 Play my album, bonsoir. 438 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,143 - That would be fun. - Okay, so that is everybody. 439 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:49,295 Oh, what about you? 440 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,714 I just wanted to say hi and welcome. 441 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,966 - Hi. - Welcome! 442 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,677 Wow. So, everybody feeling good? 443 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,804 I'm pretty far from good. 444 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,890 Ah, my husband still thinks I'm nuts. 445 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,851 You know what? Follow me. 446 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,817 Okay, now ignite the flame, 447 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,277 and release the gas knob slowly. 448 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,695 Okay. 449 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,697 Now hit it twice on the side, right there. 450 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,532 - Hit it? - Seriously. 451 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:27,249 Okay, now turn the gas knob on, and you'll hear a "whoomph." 452 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,294 Nothing. 453 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:32,064 Actually, a little past "on." The calibration's off. 454 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,382 It's been wonky for the last 40 years or so. 455 00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:37,218 Whoa. Whoa. 456 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:40,429 See? How else would I know any of this? 457 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:46,394 Okay. Well, I guess I believe you. 458 00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:50,731 And... thank you. 459 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:52,900 They say, "you're welcome." 460 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:54,485 "They"? There's two of them? 461 00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,029 Yup. 462 00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,782 Are we done here? 463 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:03,703 Oh. 464 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,204 - All taken care of? - Yup. 465 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,498 Yup, covered the hole right up. 466 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:13,129 This is not the solution. This is worse! I demand you remedy this posthaste! 467 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,465 If you're here, you're welcome. 468 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,842 Are you starting a new article? 469 00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,635 Toying around with a book idea, actually. 470 00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:22,179 Mm-mm-mm. More writey-writey, less talky-talky. 471 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:23,472 Now, where was I? 472 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,474 - You were telling me about your wife. - Huh? 473 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,452 Oh, no. No, not you. It's a—- it's a ghost thing. 474 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,395 All right. Well, uh, have fun. 475 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,230 Ah, yes, Beatrice. 476 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,774 She was a handsome woman. 477 00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,568 We slept in separate bedrooms, 478 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,195 to keep the flame of our passion burning bright. 479 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:40,406 Now, let's talk military service. 480 00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,117 I was a beloved commander, though I was known for 481 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,161 riding my men hard.